And I can't understand
Why my heart is so broken
Rejecting your love
Without love gone wrong
Lifeless words carry on
But I know, all I know
Is that the end's beginning
Who I am from the start
Take me home to my heart
Let me go and I will run
I will not be silenced
All this time spent in vain
Wasted years, wasted gain
All is lost, hope remains
And this war's not over
There's a light, there's the sun
Taking all the shattered ones
To the place we belong
And his love will conquer all
Yesterday I died
Tomorrow's bleeding
Fall into your sunlight
****************************************************************************************************
When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched as he tried to reassemble it
And my mama swore
That she would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love If it does not exist
But, darling, you are the only exception
But you are the only exception
But you are the only exception
But you are the only exception
Well, maybe I know somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone Or keep a straight face
And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable distance
And up until now, I had sworn to myself
That I'm content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk
*****************************************************************************************
Sorry, I'm not writing much, but we will see each other next week. We'll catch up then. Honestly. These are the songs that make me think about your last journal.
I know that they say that you can't honestly love someone until you can love yourself first. I will tell you, that it isn't completely true. I am still learning to tolerate myself on a level deemed comfortable. but I still love Tom completely with everything I have. I love him more than I love myself. Also, I would like to point out that I love you too unconditionally without loving myself completely. If anything happened to you two ( and also my grandmother) I would be beside myself. I wouldn't know what to do.
I'm nervous about seeing everyone again. It's no longer my home and I won't feel like I belong there. I'm just passing by. I want to stay the night with you. :) Karaoke it up like we used to. Maybe I can stay after the BBQ? I miss singing. I haven't sang in a long time. I haven't had the inspiration to, and when I want to sing people are sleeping, so I can't. I can't wait to see you again. I feel as though it's going to be like I never left. Like we will pick up where we left off.
You don't have to worry about me mentioning anything to Petey.
Oh, I can't drink, I just thought you should know. The alcohol has gluten in it. I can't handle gluten. So I can't have normal food anymore... well most normal food. Grammy asked me about it today. She said that after I explained to her my symptoms and how much better I feel without the gluten ladened foods, she said that it must've been what was wrong with me when I was little, the reason I constantly threw up and refused to eat. She said it all made sense. I said that too.
Tom asked me to try to drink milk and eat dairy products now that I'm on gluten free diet. I said I would try because some of the symptoms of celiac disease is lactose intolerance. I'm up to one glass of milk (straight) and two bowls of cereal without getting the tummy rumbles and sick feeling. At the moment, I think I pushed my limit because my stomach is hurting. I'm working on it though. Petey said it can take up to 6 months to a year before I feel completely better and not get the stomach pain on the milk.
But hell, It's progress. I'm trying to get in shape and this time I'm serious. I weigh 140... :( but honestly... I think some of it's muscle. I'm trying. Yesterday (which is when I restarted) I ran on the treadmill for 10 minutes ( actually, it was more of walk/run/walk/run/walk) and then rode a mile on the bike machine and then went swimming for an hour. I felt really good afterwards. It was fun. I like to go swimming. I feel free there. I was born by the ocean, I think I want to die by the ocean someday.
Sorry, I didn't mean to make this all about me. I'm still selfish too. We all are at this age. We're 21, still young adults. You and I are still stuck though in early teenager-land. We both got trapped there at young ages by tragedies, and we are slowly trying to catch up to the rest of the pack. I am years behind Tom in maturity... but at the same time, I'm not. You are the same way.
Anyway, I better end this... I don't want to run out of things to say when I see you. I'm so excited to see you! I know that you feel the same. I want to hug you!
Oh... one more thing.... Tom had a dream that it was his birthday, and I ditched him to hang out with you. D: It made me laugh when he told me it. I was like "Hellz yes, I would ditch you. Roxanne is WAYYYYYY cooler than you are" xP He chuckled...
anyway. I LOVE YOU!!!!! SEE YOU TUESDAY OR WEDNESDAY!
P.S.
