I can't decide if my cold is getting better or worse... you can hear the rattling in my chest when I'm laying down. It scares me, but I'm tired.. tired of hospitals, tired of doctors, and tired of needles.
But the odd thing is, I want to get high... High off some from of drug. It's like I'm addicted to something that I've never even tried before. I want to lose control again. Everything here is happening so fast. I can barely soak it all up, take it all in. I'll barely be in contact with anyone once I start this new job. I'll be working for 6 days a week for 12 hours at a time... but the pay... the pay will be wonderful. I'll be able to buy a wacom tablet (which is what I want for my birthday) so I can try to paint in Photoshop like Bloodchikin on Deviantart can.
I've been addicted to the song "Break Your Knees" by Flyleaf.... this line makes me think of our friendship and what has been trying you lately.
Steadfast my love
the end is near
Just keep your eyes ahead
Grab hold of me
Ill help you there
Youre never on your own
Youre never all alone
the end is near
Just keep your eyes ahead
Grab hold of me
Ill help you there
Youre never on your own
Youre never all alone
I long to be there with you, to help you with the packing, to be there when you cry. I wish you were here to help me too. Tom has been the support system here, and I'm sick of having him always pick up the pieces. It seems like everyday he has to pick up something. I feel him getting annoyed with the fact that I am always upset. I am never happy, no matter what. I feel that I don't deserve to be his because I'm not smart enough and I don't fit in with his friends because of that fact. I talk to James at work all the time. He's a guy that looks like a girl. He's very funny to hang out with, but when I leave Walgreens, I'll be all alone again. They are not you.
I wish that someday you could come out to where ever Tom and I will be someday and live by us. Be our neighbor or even live in the same town. I long for that to happen, that way we can keep in touch a hell of a lot better than we have been doing. Someday, I want to make that happen. once I get better at my art, and I long to make it in a magazine. I want to buy you a house. I want to buy everyone I love a house, but mostly just you and my grandmother. It's the least I could do after all you and she have given me in this life.
When Tom and I start planning a wedding, we'll have enough money so I can ship you out here to help me with the planning and such. You and Claire, and Matt... if you guys are back together by then, or whomever you end up with.
I miss you terribly, I cannot wait to see you and claire. I can't wait to replay memories and sing old words.
I leave you with the rest of the lyrics to Break Your Knees by Flyleaf...
This will be on the list of our songs.
BREAK YOUR KNEES by FLYLEAF
Breaks your knees and leaves you so
The sun can burn you up
and wear you out
Its an angry summer
Theres no room to smile
When the face you make
just before you cry looks so young
like a child
The sun will set on this, my dear
Your labors arent in vain
Youre blistered and youre burned from it
Your wounds are gonna heal
Life on earth will end for all concieved
and prove to be only a breath,
a mist, a womb for whats to come
how soon forever arrives
The sun will set
on this, my dear
Your labors arent in vain
Youre blistered and youre burned from it
Your wounds are gonna heal
Steadfast my love
the end is near
Just keep your eyes ahead
Grab hold of me
Ill help you there
Youre never on your own
Youre never all alone
Life on earth will end for all concieved
and prove to be only a breath
a mist, a womb for whats to come
How soon forever arrives
Breaks your knees and leaves you so
the sun can burn you up
and wear you out
Its an angry summer
Dont look at the past again
The first and last has made everything new
and you are too
so lift your hands
and let your story be told
Life on earth will end for all concieved
and prove to be only a breath
a mist, a womb for whats to come
How soon forever arrives
The sun will set
on this, my dear
Your labors arent in vain (forever arrives)
Youre blistered and youre burned from it
Your wounds are gonna heal (forever arives)
The sun will set
on this, my dear
Your labors arent in vain
The sun will set
on this, my dear
Your labors arent in vain
(Life on earth will end for all concieved
and prove to be only a breath
a mist, a womb for whats to come)
How soon forever arrives
The sun can burn you up
and wear you out
Its an angry summer
Theres no room to smile
When the face you make
just before you cry looks so young
like a child
The sun will set on this, my dear
Your labors arent in vain
Youre blistered and youre burned from it
Your wounds are gonna heal
Life on earth will end for all concieved
and prove to be only a breath,
a mist, a womb for whats to come
how soon forever arrives
The sun will set
on this, my dear
Your labors arent in vain
Youre blistered and youre burned from it
Your wounds are gonna heal
Steadfast my love
the end is near
Just keep your eyes ahead
Grab hold of me
Ill help you there
Youre never on your own
Youre never all alone
Life on earth will end for all concieved
and prove to be only a breath
a mist, a womb for whats to come
How soon forever arrives
Breaks your knees and leaves you so
the sun can burn you up
and wear you out
Its an angry summer
Dont look at the past again
The first and last has made everything new
and you are too
so lift your hands
and let your story be told
Life on earth will end for all concieved
and prove to be only a breath
a mist, a womb for whats to come
How soon forever arrives
The sun will set
on this, my dear
Your labors arent in vain (forever arrives)
Youre blistered and youre burned from it
Your wounds are gonna heal (forever arives)
The sun will set
on this, my dear
Your labors arent in vain
The sun will set
on this, my dear
Your labors arent in vain
(Life on earth will end for all concieved
and prove to be only a breath
a mist, a womb for whats to come)
How soon forever arrives
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