Until We Bleed

I'm naked

I'm numb

I'm stupid

I'm staying

And if Cupid's got a gun, then he's shootin'

Lights black; heads bang

You're my drug

We live it

You're drunk, you need it

Real love, I'll give it

So we're bound to linger on

We drink the fatal drop

Then love until we bleed

Then fall apart in parts

You wasted your times

On my heart

You've burned

And if bridges gotta fall, then you'll fall, too

Doors slam

Lights black

You're gone

Come back

Stay gone

Stay clean

I need you to need me

So we're bound to linger on

We drink the fatal drop

Then love until we bleed

Then fall apart in parts

Now we're bound to linger on

We drink the fatal drop

Then love until we bleed

Then fall apart in parts

You quit smoking? That makes me so happy to hear it. but it sucks that it was the cause of you sleeping regularly.

Anyway, If he is throwing in the towel on the relationship, then it's best to move on. Go back to your parents awhile until you save up enough money to get your own apartment. Maybe he needs time alone to get over the paranoia that he can't let go of. It's his problem that he doesn't believe that all you did was kiss Steven. He's lost trust, and It takes awhile to get that trust back. But to keep accusing you of doing stuff that you are not doing and constantly blaming you for things that don't even exist, that's a little much. If Tom did shit like that to me, I would be gone. I don't have very many friends here, but I would find somewhere else to go until I got myself back on my feet again. You don't deserve this. Seriously.

You can get on with your life, he's already given up any hope of an "Us", and since he's perfectly comfortable being the way he is and thinks he doesn't need therapy to help him sort out his mess, then that is his problems. You have your own life to move on to. Getting your degree, making a better life for you and your daughter.

In all honesty, from my point of view... things aren't going to change until someone leaves. If he refuses to change, then It is seriously time to leave.

Maybe it's the fact that I barely slept last night, myself, that is making me this outspoken. What do your parent's think about all of what's been going on?

I want you to know though, how super proud I am of you. When I lived there, both my gram (who loves you immensely by the way) and my dad (well... you know how he is...) said that I shouldn't be your friend because you were not going to amount to anything. But I never listened to them, because they didn't see what I saw in you. You were the sister I never had, and I hope I've lessened the pain of the loss of your sister ( not completely erase the memory of her... because that would completely suck). I knew you would be something someday, and I still believe it. You and I, we were meant for great things. Only... we just don't know how to come about these great things.

I LOVE YOU!

Therapy anyone?

Like I said... he needs to go to therapy to work out those issues.

The sleeping issue, as I remember, started long ago... you would sleep all day at my house :P And I remember staying at your house and I would remember being awake for hours before you ever woke up. You were like the sleeping fiend.

Why would he suspect drugs? do you do anything more than pot? or is he just paranoid. because again, all of the issues he has can be worked through with therapy. It would benefit you both. If you work through it with the help of that, it will make things better, or worse, depending.

Maybe he's finally giving up and throwing in the towel on the marriage. That one incident might've cost the whole thing. I'm sorry if I upset you with this, but I think it might be true. Even though it's his problem that he can't accept that you did it once and won't do it again, but it's also your fault too... You are both at fault. But he needs to communicate his problems one way or another. It's ridiculous that he won't tell you whats wrong. That isn't how relationships of any kind work.

Sorry, I'll write more later.... Four weeks until I see you! I can't wait!

Here is a song for you:

Because you are my sister/soulmate. :)

This is my new favorite song....

Broken Wings...

Thank you for being such a friend to me
Oh I pray a friend for life,
And have I ever told you how much you mean to me?
Oh you're everything to me
Thinking all the time how to tell you what I feel,
Contemplating phrases....I'm gazing at eternity,
I am floating in serenity...

And I am so lost for words
And I am so overwhelmed

Please don't leave just yet
Can you stay a moment please
We can dance together
We can dance forever

Under your stars tonight
We'll live and breathe this dream

So close your eyes, but don't dream too deep
And please pass me some memories
And when I fall you're underneath
1000 broken hearts, carried by 1000 broken wings

I apologize for not updating sooner, but I've just been in a writing funk.

well, that's not true.... I've just been in that type of mood where you don't want to do anything.... I've been like that for a while now. The only thing I want to do is sit in front of this computer and rot my brain on this game called My Tribe. ><>

Anyway.... What exactly was the truth serum... it's not drugs I hope. Because that is pretty fucking retarded of him to drug you into telling the truth, even though you told him the truth. It's his own fucking issues that won't let him trust you and seriously... He needs therapy for that. He really does.

I don't know how things are going with you since you wrote your last entry, but I hope things are good. we both suck at updating this... but trust me... if anything was important enough going on in my life, I would let you know by phone call instead of this...

And if you want to call me ( I can't call long distance from my home phone, only can receive) I'll be home tomorrow (Wednesday and Thursday). I have a day off then.

House To Wilson

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!